I have a diary notebook eversince and yeah, it's kinda old school and corny but, it's where I've been venting my feelings out. But not most of the time. I had like 4 diaries already and I don't get to keep it safe. So, I decided to just write it all up here. Random thoughts, random feelings, random happenings... Well, what are blogs for? :D

Not that I wanted to broadcast everything out of me. But, only few would bother to snoop my blog. :) Afterall, I don't really expose too much of me. I just want to have something to read and that would still exist... I'll keep this updated whenever I have the time.

Oh yeah, about me... I spend my rest days just watching Smallville series dvd that I borrowed from my bf. I was never really a fan of it and never had the time to watch on tv but now, ain't it cool to watch something good without advertisements ruining the story? LOLOLZ Atleast I had something to turn my attention to and spend my time to forget my frustrations and paranoias.

My work is ok as in just fine but I don't have anything great happening as of now. I love the job but the work isn't really that enjoying sometime. Not that I hate working but yeah, I know what "work" stands for. This job is something special that I don't want to quit or even ruin. But there's this issue in our forums that just ruins my day whenever I see it. Err, not really the issue becuase I know the fact that it isn't true but those players that think that the GMs are doing some magic to regular characters. Some sort of losers to rant all they want just because someone did better than them. Not that I'm being rude but it's really obvious that they think as just plain players and not as real gamers. In a gaming world, everything is possible without a glitch of a GMs favoritism or unfair play. We didn't even know the player. LOL For the last time, I replied and locked his threads about the issue. I think his brain just can't process it. LOL He can't accept what's real so he keeps on insisting that the GMs are doing something behind the game. He can't accept it so he puts the blame to someone else. Sore loser. Sorry. XD

It's halloween and I'm going to work tomorrow. I like working on weekends and holidays. It's kinda peaceful and pressure-free that bosses are not around.

I'm learning to adjust once more now that I gave up on something again. I'm a quitter and I'm weak. I'm also a loser in my own ways but hey that's when I found that the Man up there is watching me. I failed so many times and strayed so many times yet the loser in me eats all the braveness that I wish to show. I failed that Man, my friends, family and myself again. I haven't found the guts yet to tell them especially my bf. :(

After all that I've been through, after finding this special person in my life and accepting this job I wanted, the loser in me whipers in my ears. I don't want to look dumb but it seems that it's really what I am. I'll go and stray away again. I just hope that the good things I have right now would hold on to me even if this is what I really am.

posted by myrottendoll @ 10:22 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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I really love Sharky's sisig! XD

Me and my boyfriend ate dinner at Sharky's and I'm so full! Their sisig tastes really good with the pork chop sauce. It's crunchy and yummy~! Haha. One day if I already know how to cook, this is what I'll surely love to cook. :P I'm getting chubbier and I can't stop eating these tasty kinds of food~! Darn, I just love eating. XD

posted by myrottendoll @ 12:12 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

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I learned a lot from our training last time with the Malaysians. At first, I’m a little bit intimidated because it’s my first time to actually have a game training with other races. :D But as we go on, I learned more and more about SD and some techy stuff. I thought the game was boring but as I get to know how the game goes, there are lots of things to do inside the game.


Here are the cool points of the game:

Mount System – you get to ride a pet while you battle

Upgrade System – you can have upgraded equipments until +6 without breaking them. +6 going to +7 can break, but once you are successful in upgrading +7, you can upgrade until +11

Kingdom Wars – who knows, you might be a successful guild leader and own a kingdom? Be a King perhaps?

Guild War – this, you get to own a map and control the tax rate.

Duel Mode – Once duel has been activated, both of the duelers will be summoned inside a room. No one will be able to escape. ^^

Water Dungeon – This is the best place to party level without kill stealers! XD You have to acquire a scroll before entering. Then all of your party mates will be summoned inside the dungeon and get to kill a mob. After wiping out the mobs, you’ll be teleported outside and receive a scroll for the map with higher level mobs. After a couple of maps, a final scroll will lead you to the boss’ map. ^^

Well, that’s all I can list as of now. I’m still learning new stuff while playing. Hehe. But good point about the techy stuff in game is that our tool has more power than that of RAN Online. There’s just a few stuff in our tool that we need to be careful with or else, the game will crash. OMGWTFBBQ! :D

By the way, I thank the Malaysian Staff for being such cool trainers. :D They're also funny and friendly just like we, Filipinos. And they also ate and drank with us. ^^ Hope to see them again.

posted by myrottendoll @ 3:25 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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It’s my off today and I’m getting bored again at home. It’s already our Finals week at school and I’m going to take the special exams again. I’ve been thinking again if I’m going to continue next sem. I wanted to but I can’t seem to organize my time well. I just hope that I get to pass all my subjects this sem. After that, I think I’m going to take just one or two subjects next. Argh, I wish I could handle my schedule well. :(

posted by myrottendoll @ 2:07 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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posted by myrottendoll @ 7:38 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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Is it you or is it me? Well, maybe it’s me. I don’t know how to explain what I feel anymore. Am I too insecure? Or am I just becoming numb? Am I still happy? Am I already contented? Am I not?

I know I still have this feeling but why is it that I’m not sure anymore? Am I bored? Am I scared? I feel like quitting for a reason that I can’t figure out. I’m not a bad girl but why is it that I’m feeling uneasy inside?

The sound of his breath as we sleep annoys me but makes me laugh when I think of it. The way we embrace and kiss, I long for it when he’s away. But when I have him in my arms, something bothers me inside, questions fly around my mind. I don’t know why I question myself with what I’ll be for him when often times, I long for him when he’s not with me.

I feel like letting go of what we shared to make sure of myself. Am I just holding on because I’m used to? Am I still holding on because I still want to? Am I holding on because I still need to? Or am I still holding on because I know I love to?

posted by myrottendoll @ 8:36 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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Almost everybody's concept about a game master is being paid just to play the game. Everybody asks how to be a GM, thinking of what benefits they could get out of being able to play at work.

Well, yes we get to “play”. But how do we define the word play? Is it being involved and being able to enjoy stuff in a certain activity and be amused? Is it enjoying something to get away from boredom? Alright, we get to be amused of stuff that we possess as a GM, we get to enjoy the company of players but hey, didn’t they notice that we were like paid to face players’ anger and curses? We actually don’t play but instead, we go “online” with the thought of doing something for the players to basically enjoy “playing”. We do something to make them achieve the real meaning of the word play, to be amused and to enjoy stuff that they find hard to understand in a certain game.

We get a lot of curses from players once the servers go down. We get blamed for everything once something bad happens in game. They are suspicious of what we do behind the game. They always think that being a Game Master is being filthy rich. LOL They think that we get so many benefits out of these players. They even think that we don’t do anything at all. ~_~” These players even think that they are the ones feeding us. That’s a crazy thought. They are not the ones burning their asses in front of the monitor and receive negative stuff. They are not the ones working hard just to make them enjoy the game. We face these shitty stuff because we love to work in this field and not to leech from players to survive. They don’t feed us, we like what we work for, the games. But we don’t like what they slap onto our faces. But then, we got nothing to do but learn to smile and laugh at them because they’ll never understand how it feels to be branded as someone who is “paid to play” unless, they are in our shoes.

A free to play game has all the kinds of players in it. They should be thankful that the ones serving them are not those evil types of Game Masters. In a free to play game like this, they should really be thankful that we still attend to them. Sometimes we ask, where the heck did their brains go? They just plainly rant without thinking first. Well, we just got to learn to love it and laugh about it, though we wanted to raise our hands and stick out the middle finger. LOL

posted by myrottendoll @ 9:53 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

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Lately, I've been fascinated with pictures of dolls. Especially those ball joint dolls, like my bg image. XD

I always search images and work arts at Deviantart. (Borrowed plenty of images already LOL) Then, when I searched for dolls, a kind of doll caught my attention. They’re really pretty (well, some are scary) and I want to get one. But, one doll costs almost 6 thousand bucks plus! Too expensive. Haha. I think I’ll just look for more pretty shots of this kind of dolls. ^^

posted by myrottendoll @ 10:37 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

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I missed a class again. @_@ Dang, I find it hard to wake up for school. It'll just be 3 weeks before sembreak and I wanted to attend straight until sembreak. Hope I can do that. But, I'll be having a training in the office for a certain game and yeah, I think I'll be lazy to attend school again. ~_~" Wah.

posted by myrottendoll @ 8:50 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

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posted by myrottendoll @ 6:44 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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Waah! My belly aches! Aww. T_____T Grrr... Off from work is really boring. Now I have to spend more time in the bathroom. LMAO. =/ Awww.

posted by myrottendoll @ 5:57 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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Is it a sleeping disorder that I have or is it just lazyness? lol

I am a working student and I find it hard to wake up early in the morning. -_- A sem is about to end. I think my absences would count half a semester. Haha. I know I can pass all those subjects but I just really can't wake up for school as early as 5:30am. @_@" Then go to work after. T_T Grrr... I hope to pass all 4 subjects and hope that next sem, my schedule will fit my work's schedule. I hope my profs won't fail me, it sucks to fail when you pay for your own tuition fee. LMAO.

I'm really getting tired of my working-student routine. :( If I could only find a one-day schedule for school... Btw, I went back to school because of my boogz. He's such an inspiration and I love him so much. XD

posted by myrottendoll @ 10:35 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

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From RAN Online, I'll move to Supreme Destiny. *sigh* I won't be seeing much of those "kids" in RAN Online after this. :D

From a modern, campus theme of RAN Online, moving to a somewhat old school game will be a bit exciting since RAN was just a simple and easy game to play. Though SD's graphics isn't that high like the other games, it kinda reminds me of an upgraded version of MU and a downgrade of Tantra. This game is much complex than that of RAN. At first, you find it a little boring but as you unfold other maps and other stuff you could do, hey, this game isn't bad after all. You could ride a boar, horse, tiger and even a dragon. But before you may ride those animals, you have to sort of take care of the egg and feed them. Then, they could be your companion through the battles between guilds and kingdoms. Hehe. Though the graphics doesn't seem to meet what RF has, for a free to play game like this, it'll still be more worthwhile.

I don't expect too much population in SD but, maybe gamers with a taste of "better" gameplay would come and join me there. I don't even expect for gamers of RAN Online to like this kind of game since it is way different except that they're both MMORPG, but if they'll ever plan to, I think it will sharpen their gamer minds more. Most RAN players are new to MMO world so, I think this can be their next step to a more complex MMO experience. :)

posted by myrottendoll @ 12:47 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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Finally, my new blog...

I used to have a blog and the host just vanished. lol Anyway, I've been very busy ever since I got my dream job. But having that dream job isn't really that "dream job" type that I could keep forever. :P

I woke up around 2am and fell asleep from a text conversation with my "boogz". His text message says, "Happy Monthsary". HeeHee. And I couldn't sleep anymore that's why I found a weird time to make a new blog. I was planning to wake up at 5:30am but I decided not to sleep again for I might skip another class at school. ~_~"

An hour and a half more to go before I fix stuff for school... I'm just gonna do more constructions and updates with my blog. :)

posted by myrottendoll @ 3:51 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

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